I recently had the pleasure of a phone call with a friend of mine who asked one of the most important questions: How can I teach my son to be a good man? This is a rich question to consider for so many reasons. For starters, we now live in a moment in time that contests even most basically the validity of such a question. But the heart of this father was revealed in that simple question.
As fathers, we have a unique responsibility to lead our homes in a manner that honors Christ. This is not uniquely Christian, but is expected of every human. One way this idea has often been described is by speaking of fathers as the “priest of the household” or the shepherd for his little church (that is, his home). The Christian faith has a rich answer to this father’s question and its validity. Not only is it appropriate for a father to wonder how to best teach his son how to be a good man, but if he fails to do this well, there are dire consequences. There is nothing neutral about abandoning a most basic responsibility. If a father is called to care for the well-being of his son, should he not care for his soul as well as his body?
Although our cultural moment would have all sorts of opinions on this matter, we care above all else about one opinion: God’s opinion. To learn what He demands of us, we turn to His holy Word. There are several places in Scripture that can guide our study but one that stands out is found in Deuteronomy 6. Here we find the very same passage quoted by the Lord Jesus as the greatest commandment of all the Old Testament: “You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might.” (Deut. 6:5; Mark 12:29 ESV) This love for God is not mere sentimentality. Our love for God calls us to act. Like every form of love, it begins internally but is made clear visibly.
The very next line of Deuteronomy 6 reveals what this ultimate love looks like. Moses wrote, “And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.” (Deut. 6:6-7 ESV) In other words, as believers we are called to take the Word of God wherever we go. His Word will not be a secret or private piece in our world. It will be taught to us, and those around us, and those under us whom we lead. There is also the most basic command for fathers and mothers to “teach them diligently to your children” and that this teaching will occur everywhere.
So, we return to that basic question: How can a father teach his son to be a good man? You start by being one yourself. You must begin with your own heart. This foundational component is found in loving God entirely. But our love for God, and anyone else for that matter, is always going to be mingled with the reality of our own sin, and our inherited sin from Adam. We cannot love God well until we see our need for a Savior in Jesus Christ. Such an act admits our insufficiency and God’s gracious provision. When we are strengthened by His Spirit, we are enabled to begin loving God well, and other people well; especially those of our own house. We learn to love people not as a means to an end, but as an end in itself. We love people in order to glorify God through Christ. This dynamic is the nonnegotiable piece that elevates any relative good to that which is ultimately good or the highest good or truly good because it’ll bear eternally positive consequences.
Once that it established, the next levels of instruction come through the means of worship. Boys and girls alike are shown how to be godly by participating in public worship. The weekly rhythm of public worship instructs and challenges children in the world as it is, and not merely the world as it is for the moment. Public worship reminds everyone that the timeless truths of the Bible and the presence of our Holy God are sweet comforts and a place of refreshment in the midst of our world. Likewise, fathers and mothers move from modeling public worship to then leading families in private worship at home. Family worship is a time of Bible reading, singing of hymns, and praying that can happen at the dinner table or even before bed. Lastly, the necessity of private worship as individuals must also be taught. A Christian is more than their relationship with God alone, but you cannot be a without this necessary component.
So how do we teach young boys to be good men? We model Christ to them. We model Christ to them in public worship, in family worship, in private worship. We model Christ to them as fathers by being the same men in private that we are in public. We model Christ to them by teaching them how to repent for sin by repenting to them when we sin against them. We model Christ by obeying God’s command to raise up godly offspring who know the sweetness of the fear of the Lord.